Reflections from an Interview.

So.... I went for an interview.

Which isn't new, or news. I enjoy talking with people, potential employers - to see what is out there, to see if I could picture myself at their place, to see what other companies are doing etc.

But this was the first time an ex-company wanted to interview me - which was so strange that it terrified me. We had parted ways, and I was sure we were both happier after. That they considered interviewing me, confused me, terrified me, that I froze. I had to go talk with my brother, and that was really good in just clarifying my fears/thoughts. So I agreed to chat with some of my old bosses, I had nothing to lose?

It ended.... abruptly, although not badly. And no, I am quite sure this is where it ends.

I am not sure why, but I had a lot to think about this.

On reflection, they would have concluded my current job size is too small.
Working for my current employer, is different from any corporate. When they realized that the market cap of my company was so small, and that it was basically a privately owned company, they made their mind up, and ended the call. I was really surprised, as they didn't talk about what the job entails at all.

I made a "mistake" of overhearing their discussion, and I heard how "unprofessional" I was, in referring to my ultimate boss as "Matriarch". I was stunned. and I quickly switched off my phone.
I also recall a question why I would work for a Indonesian family-run conglomerate.

More reflection on my own career, I know
a) This is where God has put me.
He has always closed and opened the right doors, and always only 1 door - so far. He has made it clear when it was time to leave. So I'm here, not because of any career planning on my part. It's my own journey, and trusting in God in his provision - but clearly, God opened this door, and only this door. I have nothing to apologize for - thank YOU very much.

b) I am, who I am.
No, I am not Yahweh - but I will not exaggerate what I do, or lie.
Perhaps I need to think of ways to explain it better to people who don't understand the Indonesian context, to phrase things better. In the "interview" I was chatting as I would talk. It was not an interview per se - as it was more out of curiosity, than me desperate for a job. But I will always be myself, they need to know this is who I am - better than me acting, then finding out that there's a wrong fit later.

c) Career path
At the beginning, I felt "looked-down" on. And they aren't wrong.
I am not on a career path to bigger and better titles. My responsibilities has changed, I've had to adapt, and learn new things, new ways of relating to people. But from a secular/career point of view, I have not "progressed" - and this has nothing to do with salary.

But as I reflect, right from my first job interview, I've always said that 2 most important things in my life is my relationship with God, and with my family. And hopefully, it won't change.
A job is the right job - when it allows me time to do ministry and time with the family. Of course having a stable good pay is a bonus! But titles, pay, responsibilities aren't so important?

And I am thankful it ended that way, not that I am happy.
I am thankful that God made it clear to me - it isn't the right path for me. The culture, expectations won't fit.  I am thankful God answered my prayer, which I prayed lots for wisdom - and as hard as it is for my ego and pride, it is the right answer.

And with my current situation, I hardly do any traveling, employers are really good to me, I enjoy working with the people, I have dinner with my family almost every night and have lots of time with them, I've hardly had to work OT or weekends, I have time for ministry.


What more can I ask for? - see next post :)


Trust in the Lord with all your heart
    and lean not on your own understanding;
in all your ways submit to him,
    and he will make your paths straight.

Do not be wise in your own eyes;
    fear the Lord and shun evil.

Proverbs  3:5-7

Who's your Soul Mate?

2 nights ago, my daughter declared that I was her soul mate!

To which my younger son immediately responds - EWWWW!
DY then says, soul mate doesn't have to be your husband or wife what....
I think my older son believes that there is a soul mate just for him.

Despite me holding my wife to be my soul mate, she shows me an article - the next morning - from HuffPost about a wife writing that husband isn't her soul mate. Wonder what she was implying..... no wait... she wasn't implying...



Did a rare thing today, whilst killing time trying to get from Tamworth to Jakarta, taking me about 21 hours..... and I did some thinking!
It occurred to me that "soul mates" mean quite different things to different people. Here's a few:

 1.Fated Soul Mate
In your life, there is meant to be just 1 person - that is perfect for you, and meant for you - to spend the rest of your life with.

This is most probably the result of watching too many Hollywood movies/series, that the world's values have greatly influenced how we think.
Firstly, fate is quite different to God's sovereignty. Ok, God knows who I was going to marry, but I doubt that the person you marry is just that perfect partner for me, or you. God's will doesn't revolve around arranging marriages for perfect partners.

So the problem is that we are all sinful. Perfection died at the Garden of Eden. Hope restored at the cross, but true perfection occurs only when Jesus returns again.

So the person you marry, it can be an arranged marriage, I think getting to choose who you marry is pretty neat, but I do see too many "chosen" marriages ending. Liking and getting along with the person you marry is a big bonus.

I think that if you spend your life looking for that "special" one, you will be sorely disappointed, you will be disillusioned. You may even end up missing out on "spouse" material, always waiting for "something better" to come along.

I've mentioned to my kids how there are really only 4 main criteria (loosely speaking) in the bible for a spouse: 1) Not related; 2) Not of the same sex; 3) Not already married; 4) preferably a Christian. There's nothing about compatibility, personality matches, social strata equality, class, race or even ability to earn money! Maybe God missed out a few things? Nah.

Good reason to get married is that it helps you in your godliness. If you can stay single - good! If you find someone to get married - good! Both have pros and cons. Both are incomplete, a stop gap in this life, until the time Jesus comes again, then the real stuff happens!

As much as I love my wife, I do not think "FATE" brought us together. She is my "soul mate" not because she is perfect for me. And me liking her and getting along with her - isn't the reason why I think she is my "soul mate". (more on this later).

2. Companionship Soul Mate

Perhaps my daughter was referring to this. We get along, we make fun of each other, and enjoy each other's company. This could be friendship between best friends. They could be "soul mates", but not in a sexual way. They are just best of friends, through thick and thin.

Like "How I met your mother" or "Friends" group of friends.
A little bit idealistic. People grow up, childhood friends go in different direction, get married, have kids, move to different countries.

I think you are "lucky" if you can cling on to a close group of friends, with friendships that stand the test of time. But hardly what I consider as Soul Mates. Just weird....


3.My definition of Soul Mate

Well, back to me. I think of my wife as my soul mate - in that I want to spend the rest of my days with her. I lover her company, we parent better together. Sure there are times where we disagree, and things we still don't like about each other (despite being married for.... 19 years?!!!).

Whilst I don't think we were "fated" to be together, we chose to get married. And we chose to Love.
That is quite different to "being in love" that fluttery feeling of infatuation. The love we chose, was demonstrated on the cross by God. God chose to love us, when we were unlovable, his enemies. We choose to love someone, regardless of how we feel at each moment. We love despite the other person - you know, for better or worse, for richer or poorer. Vows we are familiar with, but seldom see in practice.

The World loves when the going is good. And bails when it going is bad. But that is not how God loves, and we as his Children, we learn from him. I choose to love my kids, when they are at their cutest, and even when they drive me up the wall.

My "soul mate" is not someone set out for me from the beginning, but someone whom I choose to love, choose to be my "soul mate". And keep loving/choosing. Even when the days are rough. It is by the will of the 2 people, and the grace of God, that they can become "my definition of Soul Mates".

Does that make sense?

4.The REAL Soul Mate
Remember that HuffPost article my wife showed me? Despite my initial disappointment (that she didn't think I was her Soul Mate), after I reached the end of the article, I agreed with her.

Basically, it says your spouse is a great companion, but cannot make you whole or complete you. That is God. We were created to to have God as God of our lives, the center of our lives. God completes us, his Spirit renews us, His Son saves us. Read the article in the link, it's good. But it makes sense.

If we make our spouse the "god" of our lives, then we have a new idol, or a different idol in our lives. If it isn't your spouse, it could be your family, your hobby, your work. Nothing can complete you, only God as your God can "complete" you.

I have a friend on facebook, who pines for a soul mate with every other post. Pines for the love lost, how life is incomplete unless you have someone who loves you.

Good news! We all do!
Yes, God loves each and everyone of us. He loves us, even when we are sinners, when we reject Him. He loves us when we are his enemies. Despite all the rubbish we throw at him, all the stuff we get ourselves into, He loves us so much that he sent his own son to die for you, for me.  True love. Not the fluffy fleeting Hollywood love - the REAL stuff!

The challenge for me then is - does God really complete me? Do I really want to spend as much time as possible with Him? Do I pine for Him, remember his love for me?

Knowing it in theory, is one thing. Knowing it in your heart- is another.

.

Bank Calls

Like in most countries, I get these calls from banks trying to sell me something.

In Singapore, when I was (rarely) in the mood, I would entertain the caller.
I do remember one particular call, about 10 years back, the CSO proposed to me!
She offered me a small gift if I signed up, but I said that for me to sign up, it'll need be a bigger gift.... and she asked like what.. I said... how about a flat screen TV? 
Then she said that she'll have to marry me if she gave a TV?!!!!
And it was me who was then speechless....

Well, here in Indonesia, it almost always goes like this (with me)

CSO: (Bahasa) Are you [Name]? I am calling from [Bank]
Me: (Intentionally in English) Yes, how can I help you or sometimes, Yes, how can you help me?
CSO: (Broken English) Oh... Can you speak Indonesia (sp)?
Me: Can you speak in English?
CSO: No...
Me: Ok, thank you - bye. (hang up)



Yesterday, was a bit different.
After the usual verification, and my usual reply

CSO: (fumbles mike and passes to another person)
CSO2: Hello
Me:So what do you want?
CSO2: (quickly passes to another person)
CSO3: Hello...
Me: So, what do you want?
CSO3: (Confidently in English) Oh, I don't want anything...
Me: Ok good. Bye. 

They didn't call back.

A slice of Heaven?

I love my bible study group.
Last night was rare, to have all men - our study on 2 Corinthians 13:12 on giving each other "Holy Kiss" didn't go so well....

As we were sharing prayer points with each other, it occurred to me that just in our midst, us 9 guys were folks from 7 different countries! England; US; Japan, Holland; Iraq; Indonesia (of course)... and even Singapore!

Over the many Sundays, I've met people from Iran; Australians; Nigerians; Afghanistan; South Americans; Canadians; Scottish; Irish; Chinese; Malaysian; Bulgarians; even a Russian of Korean decent.

There are many things which I think could be better at church, but that diversity is something which I've never quite experienced before.

And it seems that right there (back to my bible study) - it is perhaps a picture of what Heaven will be like. And it'll be pretty neat.


After this I looked, and behold, a great multitude that no one could number, from every nation, from all tribes and peoples and languages, standing before the throne and before the Lamb, clothed in white robes, with palm branches in their hands, and crying out with a loud voice, “Salvation belongs to our God who sits on the throne, and to the Lamb!”
Revelation 7:9-10 (ESV) 

Facebook Sabbatical

I'm quietly angry, and I don't want to blog why.

So I'm going to do something radical - I'm going on a Facebook Sabbatical.
Why Facebook? I don't know. Seems like an easy target, that hurts.

Eilen Wong was the first to introduce me to FB back in... 2006? Wow, that is a long time.
It was actually when I started my first blog, and we got talking somehow. And she introduced me to FB then, which like Friendster - I thought... really? But it's for kids!

Anyway, I signed up, most of my friends weren't on.
I remember playing online games like "Counter-strike", silly game which I got addicted to, then I deleleted. Then Warbook (most addictive and time sucking of the lot), Empires and Allies, Candy Crush - oh..... I do like these little games don't I? Each time, I found myself too addicted, too unwilling to let go, I knew I had to go cold turkey and delete the game. Only way to go.

Like smoking. ish.

So nearly 10 years on Facebook, and I think not a day passes without me checking in, used to be to see what my "friends" are up to, but nowadays, for trending and breaking news. It's the easiest single source of info.

Every single day... for the last 10 years or so.

Anyway, I am upset... did I mention that?
And I'm going to take it out on Mark Zuckerberg, although I doubt he would lose any sleep over my drastic action. In fact, I bet no one would notice. Doesn't matter - I'll notice.

For one, I want to see what impact this has in my life. Hello withdrawal symptoms!
Secondly, just curious to see if anyone notices... probably not... how sad after giving 10 years of my life to this.
Thirdly, being hurt, I want to inflict pain on myself - not physical pain of course - just.... emotional pain? I want to cut myself off. I want to withdraw... socially.

Ok, Facebook did warn me that I would lose all admin privileges on the pages I manage.
So I chickened out, and created a second dummy account. And I set it to be "auto activate after 7 days". I wanted longer, but... I was afraid. Who knows, I may log back in just to extend a longer de-activation.

Ok, changed my mind! Reactivated my account. Not bad... survived 5 minutes. Hands barely shook.... I set the auto activate to 28 days.

So.... by the time this post gets on Facebook, whenever that is...  probably in a month.

Did u miss me? I didn't think so.
Bah!

The light at the end of the tunnel... is love.

Parenting is tough.

Don't get me wrong, there are many good days, but also rough days.

I remember the early days, carrying my daughter to sleep, through the night - not surviving well with 2-3 hour sleep, for months.
I remember going for holidays where they was no fan/aircon, and my son crying through the night - and I had to walk/carry him on the beach to calm him.
I remember the long flight to Europe, our first, with a young child. He couldn't sleep on the seat, too big to be in a bassinet, we snuck him to the floor (where our feet were) to sleep, where he slept until the stewardess came, waking him up, because he wasn't supposed to sleep on the floor. It was a loonnnggg whiny/crying night. The last I swore.
There are days of struggle with school, and homework. The dreaded call by the teacher, new ways of sinning - and it only got worse, year after year.
I remember the days of missing children, disappearing after school, hunting high and low, at friend's homes, searching every inch of the school to hunt one little child who decided to wander off without telling us.
I remember the trips to hospitals, in wild panic, with a sick child.
I remember the time I brought my disobedient hysterical son to the toilet, him screaming in the toilet cubicle, before I heard a knock on the door, with a stranger asking me to stop hitting my child - except I hadn't even started yet!!!
I see the light at the end of the tunnel, only to find an oncoming train.

15 years on, it took a painful separation of just 2 months - before my son posts this, and it blows me away. I am speechless. Which is rare. I gasp, gather my thoughts, memories race through my mind, before finally... finally I see a light at the end of the tunnel, this time, it truly is a silver lining, the light at the end of a long tunnel, which makes it all worth while. The light that is.... love. 

My heart melts, and I realize, yes, it is all worth it.

The painful separation has somehow given a clarity, of unclouded love. I see my son as never before, a young, mature (mostly) boy all grown up, almost at the edge of manhood.

Yes son, we made the choice to love you 15 years ago, we sometimes doubted it, sometimes didn't feel it, but it was the right decision. Love endures ups and downs. Love is a choice, whether you feel like it or not.

Kinda like how God loves us.

Thank you for giving us a chance, forgiving us of our mistakes, of which there are many.

We love you then, we love you now, and we will always love you.

Dad.


Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth.  Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends.
1 Corinthians 13:4-8 (ESV)