Celebrating life on a death anniversary?

So... its 3 years since my mum died. This was the last group shot we have.

We celebrate birthdays when a person is alive, and remember death anniversaries after they die. Which I find interesting since both being born, and dying - the person can't take any credit for either (typically). Its different from say.... graduating, getting license, celebrating wedding anniversaries - all of which involve a large part of the person's efforts.

But being born and dying- are typically events outside the control of the person.Maybe we should celebrate God, each time a person is born or dies. And its not really bad thing, coz we'd be celebrating God a lot, as we should.

Well, call me a rebel, but I say we don't celebrate the birth nor death of a person, but the days in between. Celebrate when the person was alive. I do think about my mum now and then, especially when I'm in Singapore.

I would like to remember my mum when she was alive, not when she died. I'd like to remember the things she did for my and my family. I'd like to forget all the things we'd get irritated about, the grudges we remember and hold on to. I'd like to remember how my mum loved cooking, how she'd fussed abt food, esp when we came over for dinner - my mum was in her element, and it was her thing. I remember the stuffed baby squid I'd love as a kid (she never made it when I was already grown up!) which I've never quite seen anywhere else. I love her stuffed beancurd (with fishcake, pork slices, cucumber, bunch of other stuff), together with her specially made sauce.

I love how carefree she was, when she'd visit us overseas, for a month. Well, to be honest, we became less carefree esp towards the end of the month.... but she really did like going out to shop for bargains - she'd excitedly show me her finds when I get back from work.

I love her labor of love in the garden, how proud she was of her trees/plants, and esp the plants she rescued from my home. 

Well, I'm thankful that she's now in heaven, having accepted Jesus as her savior in her own simple way. I am thankful that her "death" isn't the end, but a temporary pause in our relationship, till the day I can meet her again.

So mum, on this 3rd death anniversary, I'd like to celebrate your life, not just once a year (hopefully), but ongoing - remembering all the good things you were and did. You have lived a good life mum, not everything you wished for, but it was a race you ran. And more importantly, you finished it.

You are missed. See you soon.


^{2 Timothy 4:7,8} I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith. Henceforth there is laid up for me the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous judge, will award to me on that Day, and not only to me but also to all who have loved his appearing.

The Right Church?

Whilst I was sitting in my home church in Singapore last Sunday, it occurred to me that about 3 years ago, I contemplated leaving that church.

It's not such a big deal - because I don't live in Singapore, so at best, it was a... statement of sorts.
But it is a big deal - because I've been going to the church (when I'm in Singapore) since end of 1994.

Some messy issue happened whilst we first went to Vietnam. It was a bit strange being in the middle of it (long story), and yet completely out of it (we were not in the country to deal with it). So everything we heard was 2nd/3rd hand. The big issue (for me) wasn't so much what happened, but how it was handled by the church leadership. Someone close, even tried to convince us to leave the church.

Like I said.... messy.

During those few months, whilst we did visit Singapore, we did visit another church or 2, just to see what they were like, and to see if we would be able to un-officially move. One church we visited - the pastor was nice, we knew his family. Seems like a good place to move to.

Well, what happened was my mum died whilst on holiday.
Back in Singapore, the new pastor (and family) heard about it, and said they would visit.

Whilst hanging around for the wake, I was quite surprised that most (if not all) the elders/leaders of my old church came to visit. Even my good ol pastor - who was sick - made it a point to come and visit. At the last mass (at a catholic church) held for my mum, one or 2 of the church staff/pastors came. At Mandai crematorium, another church pastor showed up to give us support - all without them broadcasting it, or telling us before hand. They just came quietly, they were there for us - even when we've been away for quite a few years - even when I was contemplating moving churches (they didn't know....). I was really.... touched.


What I also noticed was, the "new" pastor - didn't show up or say anything after. I don't hold it against em, really.

We are all sinful, and in no place will you find the perfect church - as long as you have imperfect people populating it - before the return of Jesus anyway. I am under no illusion that any church is "better" - it will be different, and depends what the trade-offs be. Simplistically speaking.
Besides the theology, which still remains the top non-negotiable criteria for me - what else is important?

From my experience from my mum's wake, it become clear to me - it is the love of Christ, or rather, how the church shows the love of Christ towards others. From love in action, it became very clear to me where I was a part of - who my "family in Christ" were, warts and all.

Well, after I had decided to stay, I did also get a chance to talk with my "old" pastor, to sort out all the issues I was grappling with, and very glad I did. Sorted them out.

Finding the right church is always tough. Sometimes the grass looks greener on the other side. Its hard to sieve through all the "important" issues - theology, how good the speakers are, music, children's ministry, style of service, liturgy, etc - but no church is perfect, for now. At the end of day, the church that loves and cares for you, is what really matters.

And you know the funny thing? the church is made up by.... no, not the pastors only, not the leaders or staff only, but by.... yes.... you and me.

As a great beneficiary of love in action, it is privilege to show Christ's love to those around, not just on Sundays, but at every opportune time. As a beneficiary of Christ's love in action, I can make a difference in the family of God, look out for others, look out for newcomers, look out for people in need, you know.... love each other.

Because at the end of the day, that's what matters.

^John13:34,35
“A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another.  By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.”

Confession of a Gamer

Since writing this post, I've really been struck on the effect of sin.

You know the story/myth about hunting a wolf? How you coat a knife with layers of frozen blood - then you set it out. When the wolf find it, it'll lick it furiously - lapping up the blood. But very quickly, what the wolf doesn't realize in its feeding frenzy is that it is drinking up its own blood, and ends up dead either w/o knowing or knowing too late.

Well, sin is a bit like that. At the onset, it taste good. It may even be innocent. But before long, you are hooked on it, get into a feeding frenzy - you don't want to stop, justifying that it is ok. It isn't a problem, you just don't want to stop.

Playing computer games is fine. But I got a bit excessive. Did I mention I'd completed all 515 levels of candy crush in half a year? I got into Mechwarrior Online, and played lots of it. Then WarThunder - and played lots of it - especially when my family was away in Dec. LOTS. I knew it was affecting me, but I just didn't want to stop. Even upon reflection, and looking at resolutions, I couldn't bring myself to stop, so justified by just - wanting to moderate it. It just tasted too good.

Took me 2-3 days after writing that post, that God convicted my heart - through and through. I had to stop. If I wanted to grow as a Christian, if I wanted my photography to improve, if wanted lots of things done, I needed to stop my obsessive addiction to computer games. Or 2014 would be a waste, like I felt 2013 was.

And so, after I finally cleared level 515 on Candy Crush (on Monday night) - more than any of the hundreds of FB friends I know playing, no more levels until they release more, I decided to hang up my computer "boots", and go on a sabbatical on games, till such time I feel "free" of its cling on me, and have instead been reading, both books and the bible, learning my photoshop which I'd wanted to.

I took a first step in "confessing" to my bible study mates on Tuesday, about my addiction, and my repentance.

Hi, My Name is Soo Sing, and I am a Gamer.

And it sure feels like a weight being lifted off my shoulders. 

^{Romans 7:15,17,18}
I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do...   As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. For I know that good itself does not dwell in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out.

^{Romans 6:6-12}
For we know that our old self was crucified with him so that the body ruled by sin might be done away with,that we should no longer be slaves to sin— because anyone who has died has been set free from sin.
Now if we died with Christ, we believe that we will also live with him. For we know that since Christ was raised from the dead, he cannot die again; death no longer has mastery over him. The death he died, he died to sin once for all; but the life he lives, he lives to God.
  In the same way, count yourselves dead to sin but alive to God in Christ Jesus. Therefore do not let sin reign in your mortal body so that you obey its evil desires. 

2013 reflections & possibly even 2014 resolutions?

Wow, another year has flown by. Seems like a good time to reminisce about what has gone by - I think it is a worthwhile excercise to reflect on the past, so that you don't waste the new year coming by.

1.Past Resolutions
For some strange reason (possibly even health), I thought that soft drinks, in particular COKE, was less than healthy. I don't drink a lot of soda, but Coke was something I've always enjoyed. Over the last few years, I gave up regular Coke, and went mostly/always with Coke zero or light.

A year back or so, I decided to give up Coke altogether. and voila! 1 year anniversary of being coke free - the drink, not the drug. This, I think I'll keep on.


I don't remember making any other past resolutions, so.... aim at nothing and be disappointed not.

2.Physical
Having decided that exercising was too much effort.... I decided to just eat less carbs. Less painful. My weight swung a bit, from 84kg one and a half years ago, down to 75 kg sometime before - ending the year at nearly 80kg (complacent, started eating more, and Christmas time seems like a good time to not eat less....).

2014: I havn't yet decided whether to actually hit the gym, or attempt running. All these people getting injured through sports (Michael Schumacher skiing, friend Chor Yin falling whilst biking, another:  friend injured from running) - considering not exercising for health reasons.

Ok fine!  I'm going to run or gym twice a week. Bad feeling that this is the first resolution to break....

3.Photography
My 3rd year of photography - has not been all that eventful or ground breaking.
I mentioned to a good friend - I am a lot more "discerning" and shoot less. When I started, I shot everything - flowers, food, scenery.

Like recently, we went to Gardens by the bay- which seems like a photography paradise. But I didn't even take out my camera at the flower dome. Only shot a few at the cloud dome. I've seem lots of good pictures posted by friends, and I didn't think I caught something differently, or was able to shoot something magical or outstanding - so didn't try. So only a few family shots to remember the occasion, hardly award winning. I'm also "struggling" to shoot something worthwhile in Jakarta.

My "best" photography this year was during my trip to Perth. I shot lots, beautiful scenery, new place - that's great inspiration to shoot lots. I was happy with those shots.

My fav was probably this on the right - of my 2 boys silhouetted by setting sun.  

I also love this shot on the Costa Atlantica during extended family holiday - the light was just amazing.












2014: I'm going to
a. Go on my first photo trip - Mt. Bromo. I missed any good photo opportunities in 2013, and wanted to go back. Finding out a Singaporean organizing a trip in May, was a godsend. My first proper photography workshop I'm attending!

b. Learn photoshop. I'm terribly impressed by Jonathon Danker - amazing Singaporean landscape photographer, who works hard at getting the shot, and photoshop to blend the image - such that you can't tell how magical the shot is, until you try and copy the shot.

Hopefully, learning photoshop (I sign up for the creative cloud during black friday) - will open up new ways of seeing things, and capturing things on camera. Let's see how.

c. Possibly buy a macro lens. Just to broaden my photography horizons.

4.Family
It's been a sort of watershed year, for one of my kids ("X"). He shall remain anonymous, since he can be sensitive, especially in his teenage years. Anyway, X went through a rough patch, and for the first time, didn't bounce back like previously. X seemed ok on the surface, but issues came out in other ways, for a few months.

What was more meaningful, was an opportunity (for us as parents), to get a chance to have a heart-to-heart talk with X, even talking about issues going back 13 years!


I'm glad that X got to know the Basic kids at ARPC, during church camp this year, for the first time really hanging out with them. I think the bonds are so important, esp in a few years time, Army calls, and hopefully he'll have Christian friends to bond with, during those "desert" days of being "alone" in Singapore. And also especially since I think he doesn't have anyone he hangs out with at church here in Jakarta.

Y grew up. Sigh, not so little any more- although she'll always be my little girl. Struggles in her study, but amongst the 3 - probably works the hardest (relatively) at her school work. That I'm thankful for. Results aren't as important.

Z is now cheekier. Seems to be getting skinnier, but probably has changed the least amongst the 3. Although I'm sad that he doesn't seem to have any friends in church. How sad when my boys rather just sit by themselves after church, than go play with other kids.

As a family unit, I think we have strengthened. Kids are growing up, we as parents have to try and adapt, and change too. But living in Jakarta - despite all its warts - its given us time together as a family. It gets chaotic sometimes, kids get annoying (esp when all 3 are together!) sometimes.... but I am thankful on the whole.

I am especially thankful for my wife, who seems to be growing more and more Christ like! She's a better mum than a year before (can't say that for myself), still faithfully keeping the home, being super wise (compared with me) when things get dicey with kids. Her self control and patience when dealing with the kids - is an inspiration for me.

On extended family, I was very sad with the passing of my cousin's wife. I'm blessed that my cousin has grown in Christ, through a very difficult time. Their daughter seem to tremendously matured and strong (mentally, emotionally). Keeping them in prayer constantly.

2 uncles (both mum's brother in laws) passed away as well. Sigh.

2014: Maybe I will sit through that Alpha parenting course after all.

And with kids growing up, I need to work a bit harder at being a better dad, and a spiritual leader at home. I want my kids to grow to be more like Christ - that is my greatest desire for them. Can I say 1 year down the track that they've grown to know Jesus better? I'm not sure I can say this for 2013...


5.Spiritual Walk

Talking about growing to be more like Jesus, I'm not sure from a human perspective, I've grown in Christ in 2013 (related to #6 below....). So it isn't surprising that I think my kids are in the same boat.

2014: Things I want to do:
a. QT. My QT had been a bit patchy 2nd half of the year. So I'm going to work on my discipline of reading the bible and praying. Anyone want to be my accountability partner?

b.Prayer. I need to be consistently praying for my kids, my family.

c.Ministry. Very much depends on what doors God opens. Humanly speaking, I rather be less admin, and more hands on. Needs prayer.

d.Spiritual Leadership at home - both towards my wife and kids.
To set time aside - just start once a week - and really pray with my wife.
Sharing more on God's word, be a spiritual guide for the kids. Not sure what yet, need to pray and work on this.

6.Personal
Games. This is the year I played a lot of games. From Candy Crush - starting in July, bad influence from my inlaws!!!! - I zipped through till now am at level 500. Thankful that I've exceeded the iphone/ipad levels, so only play when I get on facebook - which is a lot less! I was really really playing lots before *cough*addicted*cough*....

Mechwarrior online- also started this in 2013 with my friends from my gaming days 25 years ago?!!!
Played a lot, mostly after family went to sleep. Played often to 1am plus. Not enough sleep, so QT suffers. The only silver lining is, I'm back in touch with a few of them. Too much maybe....

At the end of the year, switched to War Thunder. Sigh.
This is like sin, it is fun, tastes good, but can easily take over your life. It's a bittersweet experience, sweet on the outside, but bitter inside. And honestly - I. Don't. Want. To. Stop.

Reading. Read quite a bit, surprisingly. Now reading Game of Thrones, it was a bit tough going in 1st book, but now 2nd book, its getting better and more enjoyable.
I also found another series I like (after finishing Tom Clancy books) - Jack Reacher. Enjoyed book 1, and bought a whole bunch during black friday sale - which I will read after I finish book 2 of Game of Thrones.

2014: Play less (school nights: stop playing at midnight - give me 6 hours sleep at night, which I need). I'm not going to learn my photoshop, if I play every night. So I need to cut that too. So to make my resolution meaningful, let's say 4 nights max. Max midnight. Hopefully... Prayerfully.

That's about it for now. Rambled enough.
On the whole, I feel that I didn't do enough, could have done more in 2013, more productive.
Let's see in year's time, if things have changed, have I progressed? regressed? how many resolutions have I managed to keep.

Its a new year, new beginnings. Have a blessed 2014.

Soo Sing