Crack

The moment
the heart is broken
Soul crushed
Mind blank

I see it now, the pain.
Satan knows where it hurts
How to hurt
The one thing to squeeze
Prick open

And it all comes tumbling down
Paralyzed
Lost. Hurt.
Unwanted.

I said my goodbyes in my head
Saw the love of my life walk out
Rather catch the bus then for me to drop her off
Dropped DY off for first day at work.
Pray for me DY, and she asks innocently ‘now’?
Watched CJ engrossed in watching a show on his computer
Oblivious to the turmoil as I head out the door.

Crack.
There it goes again.
The moment the mind fractures.

Cry

I’m not coping.

Sitting in my car. Not wanting to go home, not wanting to spend money for a room.
Not wanting to live, not wanting to die.
Not wanting to be alone, but not wanting company.

I want Jesus to return now.
End my pain.

I could Christianize it and say to be with Christ is better. To die is gain.
Why does sin make life so difficult? Make relationships hard.

I am nothing. An inconvenience. Of no consequence. Make plans, no need to bother with me- since I am but a cage. Take me home God - now please. Then the cage is open. Fly free.
Why am I a cage? Since when have I become a cage.
I have become stale. You no longer laugh. With me.