Celebrating life on a death anniversary?

So... its 3 years since my mum died. This was the last group shot we have.

We celebrate birthdays when a person is alive, and remember death anniversaries after they die. Which I find interesting since both being born, and dying - the person can't take any credit for either (typically). Its different from say.... graduating, getting license, celebrating wedding anniversaries - all of which involve a large part of the person's efforts.

But being born and dying- are typically events outside the control of the person.Maybe we should celebrate God, each time a person is born or dies. And its not really bad thing, coz we'd be celebrating God a lot, as we should.

Well, call me a rebel, but I say we don't celebrate the birth nor death of a person, but the days in between. Celebrate when the person was alive. I do think about my mum now and then, especially when I'm in Singapore.

I would like to remember my mum when she was alive, not when she died. I'd like to remember the things she did for my and my family. I'd like to forget all the things we'd get irritated about, the grudges we remember and hold on to. I'd like to remember how my mum loved cooking, how she'd fussed abt food, esp when we came over for dinner - my mum was in her element, and it was her thing. I remember the stuffed baby squid I'd love as a kid (she never made it when I was already grown up!) which I've never quite seen anywhere else. I love her stuffed beancurd (with fishcake, pork slices, cucumber, bunch of other stuff), together with her specially made sauce.

I love how carefree she was, when she'd visit us overseas, for a month. Well, to be honest, we became less carefree esp towards the end of the month.... but she really did like going out to shop for bargains - she'd excitedly show me her finds when I get back from work.

I love her labor of love in the garden, how proud she was of her trees/plants, and esp the plants she rescued from my home. 

Well, I'm thankful that she's now in heaven, having accepted Jesus as her savior in her own simple way. I am thankful that her "death" isn't the end, but a temporary pause in our relationship, till the day I can meet her again.

So mum, on this 3rd death anniversary, I'd like to celebrate your life, not just once a year (hopefully), but ongoing - remembering all the good things you were and did. You have lived a good life mum, not everything you wished for, but it was a race you ran. And more importantly, you finished it.

You are missed. See you soon.


^{2 Timothy 4:7,8} I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith. Henceforth there is laid up for me the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous judge, will award to me on that Day, and not only to me but also to all who have loved his appearing.

The Right Church?

Whilst I was sitting in my home church in Singapore last Sunday, it occurred to me that about 3 years ago, I contemplated leaving that church.

It's not such a big deal - because I don't live in Singapore, so at best, it was a... statement of sorts.
But it is a big deal - because I've been going to the church (when I'm in Singapore) since end of 1994.

Some messy issue happened whilst we first went to Vietnam. It was a bit strange being in the middle of it (long story), and yet completely out of it (we were not in the country to deal with it). So everything we heard was 2nd/3rd hand. The big issue (for me) wasn't so much what happened, but how it was handled by the church leadership. Someone close, even tried to convince us to leave the church.

Like I said.... messy.

During those few months, whilst we did visit Singapore, we did visit another church or 2, just to see what they were like, and to see if we would be able to un-officially move. One church we visited - the pastor was nice, we knew his family. Seems like a good place to move to.

Well, what happened was my mum died whilst on holiday.
Back in Singapore, the new pastor (and family) heard about it, and said they would visit.

Whilst hanging around for the wake, I was quite surprised that most (if not all) the elders/leaders of my old church came to visit. Even my good ol pastor - who was sick - made it a point to come and visit. At the last mass (at a catholic church) held for my mum, one or 2 of the church staff/pastors came. At Mandai crematorium, another church pastor showed up to give us support - all without them broadcasting it, or telling us before hand. They just came quietly, they were there for us - even when we've been away for quite a few years - even when I was contemplating moving churches (they didn't know....). I was really.... touched.


What I also noticed was, the "new" pastor - didn't show up or say anything after. I don't hold it against em, really.

We are all sinful, and in no place will you find the perfect church - as long as you have imperfect people populating it - before the return of Jesus anyway. I am under no illusion that any church is "better" - it will be different, and depends what the trade-offs be. Simplistically speaking.
Besides the theology, which still remains the top non-negotiable criteria for me - what else is important?

From my experience from my mum's wake, it become clear to me - it is the love of Christ, or rather, how the church shows the love of Christ towards others. From love in action, it became very clear to me where I was a part of - who my "family in Christ" were, warts and all.

Well, after I had decided to stay, I did also get a chance to talk with my "old" pastor, to sort out all the issues I was grappling with, and very glad I did. Sorted them out.

Finding the right church is always tough. Sometimes the grass looks greener on the other side. Its hard to sieve through all the "important" issues - theology, how good the speakers are, music, children's ministry, style of service, liturgy, etc - but no church is perfect, for now. At the end of day, the church that loves and cares for you, is what really matters.

And you know the funny thing? the church is made up by.... no, not the pastors only, not the leaders or staff only, but by.... yes.... you and me.

As a great beneficiary of love in action, it is privilege to show Christ's love to those around, not just on Sundays, but at every opportune time. As a beneficiary of Christ's love in action, I can make a difference in the family of God, look out for others, look out for newcomers, look out for people in need, you know.... love each other.

Because at the end of the day, that's what matters.

^John13:34,35
“A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another.  By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.”