The light at the end of the tunnel... is love.

Parenting is tough.

Don't get me wrong, there are many good days, but also rough days.

I remember the early days, carrying my daughter to sleep, through the night - not surviving well with 2-3 hour sleep, for months.
I remember going for holidays where they was no fan/aircon, and my son crying through the night - and I had to walk/carry him on the beach to calm him.
I remember the long flight to Europe, our first, with a young child. He couldn't sleep on the seat, too big to be in a bassinet, we snuck him to the floor (where our feet were) to sleep, where he slept until the stewardess came, waking him up, because he wasn't supposed to sleep on the floor. It was a loonnnggg whiny/crying night. The last I swore.
There are days of struggle with school, and homework. The dreaded call by the teacher, new ways of sinning - and it only got worse, year after year.
I remember the days of missing children, disappearing after school, hunting high and low, at friend's homes, searching every inch of the school to hunt one little child who decided to wander off without telling us.
I remember the trips to hospitals, in wild panic, with a sick child.
I remember the time I brought my disobedient hysterical son to the toilet, him screaming in the toilet cubicle, before I heard a knock on the door, with a stranger asking me to stop hitting my child - except I hadn't even started yet!!!
I see the light at the end of the tunnel, only to find an oncoming train.

15 years on, it took a painful separation of just 2 months - before my son posts this, and it blows me away. I am speechless. Which is rare. I gasp, gather my thoughts, memories race through my mind, before finally... finally I see a light at the end of the tunnel, this time, it truly is a silver lining, the light at the end of a long tunnel, which makes it all worth while. The light that is.... love. 

My heart melts, and I realize, yes, it is all worth it.

The painful separation has somehow given a clarity, of unclouded love. I see my son as never before, a young, mature (mostly) boy all grown up, almost at the edge of manhood.

Yes son, we made the choice to love you 15 years ago, we sometimes doubted it, sometimes didn't feel it, but it was the right decision. Love endures ups and downs. Love is a choice, whether you feel like it or not.

Kinda like how God loves us.

Thank you for giving us a chance, forgiving us of our mistakes, of which there are many.

We love you then, we love you now, and we will always love you.

Dad.


Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth.  Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends.
1 Corinthians 13:4-8 (ESV)

The Right Church?

Whilst I was sitting in my home church in Singapore last Sunday, it occurred to me that about 3 years ago, I contemplated leaving that church.

It's not such a big deal - because I don't live in Singapore, so at best, it was a... statement of sorts.
But it is a big deal - because I've been going to the church (when I'm in Singapore) since end of 1994.

Some messy issue happened whilst we first went to Vietnam. It was a bit strange being in the middle of it (long story), and yet completely out of it (we were not in the country to deal with it). So everything we heard was 2nd/3rd hand. The big issue (for me) wasn't so much what happened, but how it was handled by the church leadership. Someone close, even tried to convince us to leave the church.

Like I said.... messy.

During those few months, whilst we did visit Singapore, we did visit another church or 2, just to see what they were like, and to see if we would be able to un-officially move. One church we visited - the pastor was nice, we knew his family. Seems like a good place to move to.

Well, what happened was my mum died whilst on holiday.
Back in Singapore, the new pastor (and family) heard about it, and said they would visit.

Whilst hanging around for the wake, I was quite surprised that most (if not all) the elders/leaders of my old church came to visit. Even my good ol pastor - who was sick - made it a point to come and visit. At the last mass (at a catholic church) held for my mum, one or 2 of the church staff/pastors came. At Mandai crematorium, another church pastor showed up to give us support - all without them broadcasting it, or telling us before hand. They just came quietly, they were there for us - even when we've been away for quite a few years - even when I was contemplating moving churches (they didn't know....). I was really.... touched.


What I also noticed was, the "new" pastor - didn't show up or say anything after. I don't hold it against em, really.

We are all sinful, and in no place will you find the perfect church - as long as you have imperfect people populating it - before the return of Jesus anyway. I am under no illusion that any church is "better" - it will be different, and depends what the trade-offs be. Simplistically speaking.
Besides the theology, which still remains the top non-negotiable criteria for me - what else is important?

From my experience from my mum's wake, it become clear to me - it is the love of Christ, or rather, how the church shows the love of Christ towards others. From love in action, it became very clear to me where I was a part of - who my "family in Christ" were, warts and all.

Well, after I had decided to stay, I did also get a chance to talk with my "old" pastor, to sort out all the issues I was grappling with, and very glad I did. Sorted them out.

Finding the right church is always tough. Sometimes the grass looks greener on the other side. Its hard to sieve through all the "important" issues - theology, how good the speakers are, music, children's ministry, style of service, liturgy, etc - but no church is perfect, for now. At the end of day, the church that loves and cares for you, is what really matters.

And you know the funny thing? the church is made up by.... no, not the pastors only, not the leaders or staff only, but by.... yes.... you and me.

As a great beneficiary of love in action, it is privilege to show Christ's love to those around, not just on Sundays, but at every opportune time. As a beneficiary of Christ's love in action, I can make a difference in the family of God, look out for others, look out for newcomers, look out for people in need, you know.... love each other.

Because at the end of the day, that's what matters.

^John13:34,35
“A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another.  By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.”

Love your enemies

Oh, how I hate that command...

Why, why, why... God, did you have make us do the impossible?!!
Why love those who despise me?
Why pray for those who unfairly critisize me?
Why forgive those who make my life miserable?

Turn the other cheek? walk an extra mile when unfairly told to walk one mile?
Give the tunic for those who unfairly demand your coat?
Why God, oh why, is it so unfair?!!

And yet you did.
You loved those who rejected you.
You forgave those who crucified you.
You came to die for those who told you to get lost from their lives?
You died for the sin that is mine.... is that fair?

To be fair, we would be still enemies of God, as we shake our fists in his face
To be fair, we would bear the judgement of sin, that is rightfully mine.
To be fair, God would have excercised some Quality Control, and gotten rid of us, as we failed to live up to his standards.

God demonstrated his own love for us, whilst we were still sinners, Christ died for us.
God walked the talk
And God will continue to help us to love our neighbours, esp our enemies as we are freed from the slavery of sin, and now free to serve God.

Please God, teach me to love my enemies, those who hate me, and those I hate.
It's so hard, every fibre in me tells me to hate my enemies.
Oh teach me God... that I may obey...

Matthew 5:43-48
"You have heard that it was said, `Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.' But I tell you: Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be sons of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Are not even the tax collectors doing that? And if you greet only your brothers, what are you doing more than others? Do not even pagans do that? Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect.