Who's your Soul Mate?

2 nights ago, my daughter declared that I was her soul mate!

To which my younger son immediately responds - EWWWW!
DY then says, soul mate doesn't have to be your husband or wife what....
I think my older son believes that there is a soul mate just for him.

Despite me holding my wife to be my soul mate, she shows me an article - the next morning - from HuffPost about a wife writing that husband isn't her soul mate. Wonder what she was implying..... no wait... she wasn't implying...



Did a rare thing today, whilst killing time trying to get from Tamworth to Jakarta, taking me about 21 hours..... and I did some thinking!
It occurred to me that "soul mates" mean quite different things to different people. Here's a few:

 1.Fated Soul Mate
In your life, there is meant to be just 1 person - that is perfect for you, and meant for you - to spend the rest of your life with.

This is most probably the result of watching too many Hollywood movies/series, that the world's values have greatly influenced how we think.
Firstly, fate is quite different to God's sovereignty. Ok, God knows who I was going to marry, but I doubt that the person you marry is just that perfect partner for me, or you. God's will doesn't revolve around arranging marriages for perfect partners.

So the problem is that we are all sinful. Perfection died at the Garden of Eden. Hope restored at the cross, but true perfection occurs only when Jesus returns again.

So the person you marry, it can be an arranged marriage, I think getting to choose who you marry is pretty neat, but I do see too many "chosen" marriages ending. Liking and getting along with the person you marry is a big bonus.

I think that if you spend your life looking for that "special" one, you will be sorely disappointed, you will be disillusioned. You may even end up missing out on "spouse" material, always waiting for "something better" to come along.

I've mentioned to my kids how there are really only 4 main criteria (loosely speaking) in the bible for a spouse: 1) Not related; 2) Not of the same sex; 3) Not already married; 4) preferably a Christian. There's nothing about compatibility, personality matches, social strata equality, class, race or even ability to earn money! Maybe God missed out a few things? Nah.

Good reason to get married is that it helps you in your godliness. If you can stay single - good! If you find someone to get married - good! Both have pros and cons. Both are incomplete, a stop gap in this life, until the time Jesus comes again, then the real stuff happens!

As much as I love my wife, I do not think "FATE" brought us together. She is my "soul mate" not because she is perfect for me. And me liking her and getting along with her - isn't the reason why I think she is my "soul mate". (more on this later).

2. Companionship Soul Mate

Perhaps my daughter was referring to this. We get along, we make fun of each other, and enjoy each other's company. This could be friendship between best friends. They could be "soul mates", but not in a sexual way. They are just best of friends, through thick and thin.

Like "How I met your mother" or "Friends" group of friends.
A little bit idealistic. People grow up, childhood friends go in different direction, get married, have kids, move to different countries.

I think you are "lucky" if you can cling on to a close group of friends, with friendships that stand the test of time. But hardly what I consider as Soul Mates. Just weird....


3.My definition of Soul Mate

Well, back to me. I think of my wife as my soul mate - in that I want to spend the rest of my days with her. I lover her company, we parent better together. Sure there are times where we disagree, and things we still don't like about each other (despite being married for.... 19 years?!!!).

Whilst I don't think we were "fated" to be together, we chose to get married. And we chose to Love.
That is quite different to "being in love" that fluttery feeling of infatuation. The love we chose, was demonstrated on the cross by God. God chose to love us, when we were unlovable, his enemies. We choose to love someone, regardless of how we feel at each moment. We love despite the other person - you know, for better or worse, for richer or poorer. Vows we are familiar with, but seldom see in practice.

The World loves when the going is good. And bails when it going is bad. But that is not how God loves, and we as his Children, we learn from him. I choose to love my kids, when they are at their cutest, and even when they drive me up the wall.

My "soul mate" is not someone set out for me from the beginning, but someone whom I choose to love, choose to be my "soul mate". And keep loving/choosing. Even when the days are rough. It is by the will of the 2 people, and the grace of God, that they can become "my definition of Soul Mates".

Does that make sense?

4.The REAL Soul Mate
Remember that HuffPost article my wife showed me? Despite my initial disappointment (that she didn't think I was her Soul Mate), after I reached the end of the article, I agreed with her.

Basically, it says your spouse is a great companion, but cannot make you whole or complete you. That is God. We were created to to have God as God of our lives, the center of our lives. God completes us, his Spirit renews us, His Son saves us. Read the article in the link, it's good. But it makes sense.

If we make our spouse the "god" of our lives, then we have a new idol, or a different idol in our lives. If it isn't your spouse, it could be your family, your hobby, your work. Nothing can complete you, only God as your God can "complete" you.

I have a friend on facebook, who pines for a soul mate with every other post. Pines for the love lost, how life is incomplete unless you have someone who loves you.

Good news! We all do!
Yes, God loves each and everyone of us. He loves us, even when we are sinners, when we reject Him. He loves us when we are his enemies. Despite all the rubbish we throw at him, all the stuff we get ourselves into, He loves us so much that he sent his own son to die for you, for me.  True love. Not the fluffy fleeting Hollywood love - the REAL stuff!

The challenge for me then is - does God really complete me? Do I really want to spend as much time as possible with Him? Do I pine for Him, remember his love for me?

Knowing it in theory, is one thing. Knowing it in your heart- is another.

.